September in Suffolk County

You've done the homework by now — found the main water shutoff, exercised the valves, met the gas meter.

Caulk is the disposable part of your home's skin.

Your heating system sat idle all summer, and the first cold snap is when every marginal part announces itself.

Concrete cracks.

The laundry standpipe — that open vertical pipe the washer's drain hose hooks into — is the most abused drain in the house.

Your sump pump is the appliance version of a smoke detector: it does nothing 360 days a year, and then one night it's the only thing standing between your basement and the water table.

Your heating and cooling system breathes through two sets of openings: supply registers that blow, and return grilles that inhale.

First, the honest gate: if your fridge has no water dispenser and no ice maker, close this card — it's not for your house, and no appliance tech should ever sell you otherwise.